Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I Ought to Make a Real Blog

I really ought to make a real blog somewhere--either here on on my website. I'd planned to do it on my website but I keep making announcements instead...sigh...I broke off right in the middle of a story to write this.

Also, I should read a number of blogs to find out how to blog. I'm so uninformed that I don't really know. Should I just talk about what I do? That's boring. I write. I write. I write some more and when It lets me off the leash ("It" is the thing in my head that says I really ought to be writing) I go looking for a new house. I'm in an in-between-houses-house now and it has only the basics of my furniture. I need a new house, but it has to be the right house. I don't think the details of my house-that-turned-out-to-belong to the Russian mafia would be appreciated here.

I guess I could write about how much I miss my mother. She died--it's so funny, but even as I write the words I don't believe them--she died just over a year ago. If my whole family isn't in therapy after that, they should be. Strangely, it's very hard--still--to take in. I guess everyone who's had a loved one die feels that way.

In the beginning I had a hallucination. These were days when I wasn't sleeping well, due to the funeral rush and my own memory of that last night holding her hand. I thought I saw her in our (my family's) house. It was just for an instant, and out of the corner of my eye, but I did have that. I wonder just how many other people do?

Now, I still wake up and think, "Oh--I've got to tell Mom...." or during the day I think "I want Mom's opinion on this." And for a second I'm just really confused before I remember. I don't know if that kind of thinking is really okay, but I've heard that the second year is the hardest. That's kind of scary. I just bless her and the Universe and God and whoever else is up there for allowing me to write again. That was the greatest gift, and however I grieve this year, I've been too busy to get really morbid

Thank you, Mom. Somehow I know that you had something to do with this.

Well, today's Super Tuesday, but I'm not going to write about politics here! Besides, I worry so much that the winner, our next President, will go down in history as the woman or man who couldn't fix all our foriegn polictics problems. I wouldn't take the job myself if you begged me, but I guess I'm not qualified to have a solid opinion about it. I just worry that things will never come out right in the MIddle East.

I guess I've blogged enough for somebody who doesn't know how.


Saturday, February 2, 2008

My favorite quote

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting. — e. e. cummings

This is my favorite quotation of all time. I lost track of it for a while, and then couldn't find it again because there are no words which are particularly unusual, and I didn't want to misquote it completely. But whether you remember the exact words or not, I think that the message is the most genuine I've ever heard. It's a bit sad that the world should be like this, but it is. The world is trying to make everyone into a pod person, part of a herd. (By "the world" I mean society, the media, advertisements and such, not the world of nature). The one thing I would add to this quote is that "This is the only thing worth doing in the world, hard as it is."

So.... Fight!

And come visit me sometime, or let me know what's on your mind. I'm busy but I read every letter and email I get, and I answer them all...eventually.